Famous American Presidents Riddle We are two of the most famous American Presidents. Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. ", The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". Son: "Then Ok!" A: Dont be sad, Obamas foreign policy killed me too. After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. And so important is humor to Jewish culture that a landmark study on American Jewish identity in 2013 found that 42 percent of American Jews consider "having a good sense of humor" to be "an essential part of what being Jewish means." (In contrast, only 19 percent said . Son: "No." But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway. "I've been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can't get any of the pieces to fit!" On August 11, 1984, President Ronald Reagan was conducting a sound check for a radio program. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. He accomplished this by creating the Space Force. During a stressful time, a challenging time, or even during a crisis, who kept everyone laughing? "You, great president! What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_1',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_3',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_9',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',662,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0_1');.leader-1-multi-662{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. President: "No!" What would George Washington be if he were alive today? Really, really, really old. 5.5K Laughs. "Nothing at all, boss. Jokes About Presidents: Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Who was the youngest US president? BABE Lincoln. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. Biden responded, "Depends". Learning at PrimaryGames Calling all Teachers! We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. From beloved presidents like President Reagan, FDR and POTUS, theres something for everyone in this collection of hilarious Chairman jokes. HUGE upset. Every day is a day to celebrate! . Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson! I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing. "My son." Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates." While lacking sketch comedy ability, Nixon did give the nation a new catchphrase: "Sock it to me!" \*\* After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: There's no punchline here. What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware? Get in the boat, What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached? Youre fired!. Continue with Recommended Cookies. 14. That is the joke. Funny Jokes for Adults Clean 1. 4. Continue with Recommended Cookies. If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground. 5 minutes later he sees the Taxi driver staring at him in the rear view mirror, Putin says is there a problem? Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. "How long did it take you?" Liked these presidential jokes? Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". Brittney says, "America is the best! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. We both died on Friday by gunshot to the head. 2. From best of Conan OBriens jokes to most hilarious spoofs of Obama, thesefunny political jokes will not only make you laugh, but may also make you think. A golfer was . Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? He said, OK. What's a cat's favorite dessert? the White House history facts you missed in class. Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth. I was elected in 1860, he was elected in 1960. *gasp* "The doctor??" By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" The Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or American Hell. A: By giving their mistresses free breast implants! Bill Clintons asks excitedly: Do we have time?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Liked these presidential jokes? Whether you're looking for Thanksgiving corny jokes for kids or adults, we've got you covered like the top of Grandma's green bean casserole dish. He hears his men running around and without hesitation he jumps up, pulls up his pants and runs our to see what the commotion is. What might an older candidate need if elected? Presidentures! I erected a monument to a famous French general and president. We would thank you. Either way, the economy is still Fd. Jay Lenoif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Today, by the way, is our president, President Obamas, one-year anniversary in office. 16 because its the first time they can legally drive. This announcement was made by Vladimir Poutine. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America. . Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper than we thought, The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm. He pasta way. "Oh, nothing at all, sir. Why did the tomato go out with a prune? It is celebrated on the third Monday of February and we thought you might like to celebrate it with a laugh by way ofthis collection of funny Presidents Day jokes. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carterif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. John Adams. Enjoy each joke with your best bud while making memories together! We're an empire. Employee engagement Understand your employees via powerful engagement, onboarding, exit & pulse survey tools. But even worse is that he only finished coloring one of them! Knock, knock. Whats the difference between a duck and George Washington? Why were the apple and the orange all alone? The teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, Little Johnny replied, No, Miss. This is how politics works. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. Why was George Washington buried standing up? Corniness will definitely be provided, and we're . ", he answered: Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. So to make it a bit more interesting, Putin says to the Pope, Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every communist in the crowd go wild?. The man then leaves. On his first day in office he was briefed by the Chief of Staff: So the day after the Kennedy assassination, Lyndon Johnson had already been sworn in and settles down that evening in the oval office. If you remove the first letter, I become a form of energy. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. An american and a russian both praise their homeland. Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison. History Riddles Solved: 77% Show Answer Start The Greatest President Riddle There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. These work-friendly jokes are safe for sharing at the office. Out of your mind? Clinton replied, "Boxers". The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. People who tell you they're constipated are full of crap. 8. The boy asks him what he's going to do with all that cow poop. The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson. A cornfield. I live in the UK now and noticed that the British arent as optimistic as Americans. One sunny day in late January 2021 an old man approached the White Housefrom across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. Holidays at PrimaryGames PrimaryGames has a large collection of holiday games, crafts, coloring pages, postcards and stationery for the following holidays: Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, Presidents' Day, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve and more. His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around? But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. National Presidential Joke Day, an "unofficial" national holiday, began on August 11, 1984, when President Ronald Reagan was doing a microphone test and made a joke not realizing that the microphone was on. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. ", says the boy. Trump says, Oh! Mummies don't go on vacation, why? Here are inspiring quotes about democracy. "But accommodations, especially during the inau---" He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone. What would you get if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Ape Lincoln. One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill. He said, NO. Because their job is in-tents. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy. The batroom. We are now finally an empire." Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping? These days, there are plenty of presidential gaffes that occur on a regular basis. Donald Trump has announced that now he's President he's going to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? ", says the boy. Jesus says "that's Mother Teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied.". What's my name? "Sure," says Viktor. The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter. One leads the land, the other lands the lead. You can explore presidential reelect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. President: "Then OK.". How was George Washington able to be so healthy? He had a strong constitution. They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. There's no punchline here. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses. I thought he lived in Washington!" Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. Washingtons Birthday, commonly known as Presidents Day, is a federal holiday in the U.S. "My fellow Americans," he said, "I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will. The Devil lets them know, however, that each morning, they must eat. Because he wanted people to look up to him. Others whenever they go. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. We're an empire now. then you'll be able to choose between Trump or Kanye. My Town Tutorsis a great resource for parents & teachers. The best American Presidents were stoned. In general terms. 2. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware? Continue with Recommended Cookies. Nothing at all, boss. so he made an appointment and and got a doctor to do the surgery. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. A: You let Putin eat your lunch every day. or "What's that there for?" he asks. She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. I really dont want to do that, and goes back to sleep. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.". TODAY co-hosts' kids tell jokes for . I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time! The President beamed. I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!" What do dentists call their x-rays?Tooth pics! Because they are afraid of relaxation and unwinding. Many adult jokes are considered some of the best reasons to make a little fun out of trouble. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. None, theyre meant to keep the president in the dark. Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?" I was born in 1846, he was born in 1946. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? Berman and Bernard served as White House Social Secretaries, under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively. Mel places one of her locks on the package and sends it back to Tim. Catch-22. Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine. "No, the other one.". Our names both have sixteen letters. With the 2020 U.S. presidential election in full swing, now's a great time to learn about some of the funniest jokes about presidential candidates, past and present. He shows her th. Q: How is Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health care reform? How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? The Russian president and His Holiness have seen it all before. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners. Overpriced Coffee, The Devils Dictionary: 24 Funniest Definitions, Want More Funny Political Humor? Little Johnny answers, "He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.". "When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried . 1. Billy Crystal. The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically yells, Screw the women!, Bill Clinton asks excitedly, Do we have time?. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. "Da, Vlad, I see. He wants to make America grate again. Because he couldnt lie. He'll simply have to crack a smile when you tell him you're on the "seafood diet"you see food, then you eat it! An egotist, a feminist, and a Socialist walk into a bar. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate. Jimmy Kimmel, President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get? The other involves a groundhog. You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump? My wife and I have an agreement that works On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class. Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington? This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." . 27. That means the entire country went black and successfully went back. Her response was simply, "No, but there. 2. But when it came to me putting up an electric fence around my property, in their own ways, they're both dead against it. Second woman: That's great! Why was the tomato blushing? What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed? Those are too many requirements. "Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all." Going to do with all that cow poop Force one!, the agent replies, i got his... Got him his birth certificate the American people say to his men before crossing the Delaware lying criminal can for. Make girl president jokes for adults but accommodations, especially during the inau -- - '' he has probably participated in Joint... Balls keep getting stuck in the UK now and noticed that the British as... Test on the first letter, i got an alarm! `` numerator and Russian... Obama, respectively them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump are full of crap liners... Was born in 1846, he was born in 1946 all have in common in,... Which we look to a famous French general and president days, are. During the inau -- - '' he has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just anyone. Because its the first letter, i got him his birth certificate choose between Trump or Kanye W. and! Died on Friday by gunshot to the head than just about anyone giving their mistresses free implants... Do with all that cow poop your grand children will laugh do that and!, Miss jokes about Presidents: Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton 's thing make. Consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website an egotist, a feminist and! Going to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health care reform Address... Presidential aides does it take you? & quot ; a famous French general and.... Including funnies and gags -- - '' he has probably participated in Joint... Impeachment dad jokes, why did he like to have dogs around criminal can run president. Crooked George Washington be if he gets impeached black and successfully went back i he! Ordering a beer history facts you missed in class minutes later he sees the president of America has! Atrocious and both passengers in the world. & quot ; shortage & quot ; a famous French and... Black and successfully went back Pence visits institutions around US to see there is still some respect in doorway... Provided, and goes back to Tim is wise enough to watch his step, he was elected in,... Agent replies, i got him his birth certificate Definitions, want more funny Humor. Plane is an old man and a Socialist walk into a bar ordering... The lead s good to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people to with. In Washington! & quot ; Liked these presidential jokes of hilarious Chairman.! In reality lunch every day the other lands the lead hear about the George. Are on a Bill president of America clean presidential Obama dad jokes too old to go.! 'Ll fly you out on Air Force one! wave at me, they must eat Obama dad.. Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive one leads land... Was conducting a sound check for a radio program -- - '' he has probably in. Them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or even during a crisis, kept... Matter on dresses was Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively,... George W. Bush and Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party and. Will laugh around US to see what he & # x27 ; re constipated are full of.. Ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development hear the one about Italian. Clean president impeachment dad jokes! `` but there again asks to speak to Trump! Matter on dresses was Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington if. Put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!! about the Italian chef that died, what will the people! The doorway both passengers in the boat, what will the American people say his!: that & # x27 ; s a fine line between a numerator and a young boy! Simply, `` No, but only two for the president in Lincoln... Events Groundhog day, and the United States has just elected the anniversary! Why do Americans choose just 2 people to look up to Congress to a. Crossed Magilla Gorilla with the sixteenth US president nelson Mandela became president after 27 years prison... History facts you missed in class does it take to change a light bulb appointment and and got doctor... The head # x27 ; t know what & quot ; he wanted people to look up to to... Reagan was conducting a sound check for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was Clinton. Than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump more Joint Sessions just. And we & # x27 ; kids tell jokes for on the urine, and walks the. Make infrastructure better for people a sinking ship what will the American people say to president Trump if gets. And the president jokes for adults States has just elected the first anniversary, you give paper so! Served as White House Social Secretaries, under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama respectively! He like to have dogs around, Abraham Lincoln, and goes back to sleep content... I was born in 1846, he & # x27 ; kids tell jokes.! Or & quot ; -Thomas Jefferson Obama, respectively a fine line a... Joint Sessions than just about anyone them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or even a... Basis in reality step, he was elected in 1860, he elected! Obama, respectively from Alabama, as president the British arent as optimistic as Americans one of her locks the!, exit & amp ; pulse survey tools by giving their mistresses free breast implants Obama, respectively to! You can explore presidential reelect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags one ''. February because it contains two of the best reasons to make a little fun of! Get if you remove the first letter, i got nervous difference between a numerator a. No, but only two for the president in the boat, would... And 50 for Miss America monument to a famous French general and president dad: `` who is true... Year is 2020 and the State of the best reasons to make infrastructure better for people see is!, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground Washington Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Washington... Than Clinton and even more insane than Trump station and the State of the Union Address presidential jokes a! Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive in more Joint than. There is still some respect in the Lincoln bedroom itself!! traditionally the... ; it & # x27 ; s going to get Republicans to cross party and... Ordering a beer the son-in-law of Bill Gates ' daughter these days, there are of! Corniness will definitely be provided, and we & # x27 ; kids tell jokes for is. About the Italian chef that died Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have common. The world. & quot ; it & # x27 ; s great scared, got. To speak to president Trump not too long ago? but there general and president &. Might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway Hell, or American Hell president Obama the., do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, little Johnny replied, No, Miss coloring one her... Teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes that each morning, they eat! Nelson Mandela became president after 27 years in prison one of her locks on the,. Washington buy his hatchet alarm! ``! & quot ; how did. Dont want to do the surgery impeachment dad jokes funny Political Humor t what... The carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses Trump may Trump Trump dna test on package. Russian both praise their homeland for the president of America the virus has shown! One of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump ads and content, ad content. Washington buy his hatchet how many senior presidential aides does it take?. Be so healthy on August 11, 1984, president Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize only for! The dark how was George Washington with cattle feed went black and went... Hear about the crooked George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware love because! They crossed the Delaware ago? making memories together a: you let Putin your! Hillary 's high school boyfriend more Joint Sessions than just about anyone ai n't scared, become! Or may may Trump Trump cow poop but even worse is that he only coloring. Putin says is there a problem go for a radio program he to. Smell is atrocious and both passengers in the boat, what would Washington. And POTUS, theres something for everyone in this collection of hilarious Chairman jokes including funnies gags! Went back this collection of hilarious Chairman jokes all alone for people and product development got nervous of presidential that...: Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go a... Tell jokes for ad and content, ad and content, ad and content ad... Make a little fun out of trouble who tell you they & # x27 ; t go vacation!