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Maybe follow it up with one of these funny jokes to defuse awkward situations at work. Might as well take a trip to the moon while you're at it. 12. What do I say to get them to loose any respect they ever had. Given the frequency of mock-sorrys in verbal squabbles, dont be sorry for who you are is definitely one to keep in your pocket. I dont know what your problem is, but Ill bet its hard to pronounce. But you said it's time to let go of twice. Hi! I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. To make up for all the oxygen you waste. Im Laurie Ochoa, general manager of L.A. Times Food, with this weeks Tasting Notes. It must have been a You might even have some fun in the process. 2023 NYP Holdings, Inc. All Rights Reserved, Dear Abby: I feel like a third wheel to my boyfriend and his female best friend, Dear Abby: My boyfriend's father is making me miserable, Dear Abby: My coworker keeps hitting on my husband right in front of me, Dear Abby: I like wearing women's lingerie my wife calls me 'weird', Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I have never been on a real date. Anyway (and continue what you were saying.). So stfu. If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless. Thats why weve compiled this list of great comebacks for every situation, so youll always be prepared. One of New Zealands Prime ministers (I think it was in the 80s) once said that people who moved from New Zealand to Australia were raising the IQs in both countries. Witty comebacks that show off the smarty pants in you. Here are 11 words and phrases that used to be insultsand are now compliments. Apparently, they have a vacancy in clownery they think youd be suited for. Knocks em dead every time. Of course I didnt come here to insult you I dont need to be NEAR you to insult you. comeback So there you have it, some of the meanest comebacks you can say to put someone in their place. But what do you do when someone throws an insult your way? I think you might be overestimating your importance here. Harrison ruled when it came to good comebacks in her writing. The first response made me nod my head instinctively. That was almost as painful as looking at your face. After all, theres nothing worse than trying to deliver a killer insult only to have it fall flat. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. something witty please :) Answer Save. 38. Im not just worried about us. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. What do you think? Well, the jerk store called and theyre running out of you. George Constanza of Seinfeld dropped this epic line. Mine is unlisted. CAROLE R. IN ARIZONA, DEAR ABBY: As a child I heard and still remember my moms answer to that question. I may not be perfect, but at least Im not you. Lmao i got a 9 year old who said ok but who asked this seems a lil too aggressive. I often share my opinions, and people say, Did I ask?. A devastating blow to anyone who has ever experienced hot dog water, as well as hot dogs everywhere. The (fill in the blank) called. Then why are you all up in mygrill? This is from The Clique, a popular teen series by author Lisi Harrison. "Here's another unsolicited fact: Most dumb people don't even know they're dumb.". Its one of those very clever jokes that make you sound smart. 31. 28. This exchange happened accidentally between me and my boyfriend the other day and its been legendary for us ever since: After making an honest mistake he said, Sorry Im an idiot. And I, wanting to reassure him but failing miserably, replied, Dont be sorry for who you are! 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. In an episode of Mad Men, an adversarial colleague tells Don, I feel bad for you. To which Don cooly replies, I dont think about you at all. Ouch. The girl was being so shitty and immature that it started to draw in attention from more than just me. Yes, I know. First These 14 Comebacks Are Perfect To Use If Someone Is Ever An Asshole To You On Saturday, @HashtagRoundup asked people to share their snappiest comebacks, using the hashtag #SnappyComebacks. You can sign in to vote the answer. That sounds like a you problem. This is one of those good comebacks for when your kids are making their lack of planning your emergency. Buzzfeed, 14 Hilarious Comebacks That Only Took People a Few Hours to Come Up With Youtube.com , Legally Blonde (4/11) Movie CLIP First Day of School (2001) HD Remember when Captain Jack Sparrow, under threat of capture and arrest, takes a moment to deliver a devastating zinger? 99% Upvoted. Aug 7, 2013 - Here is a top ten list of snappy comebacks that you can use in most situations, from surviving a family dinner with your annoying relatives to pushing back on your obnoxious coworker. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? 27. If youre waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, cause its gonna be a really long time. You might like: 27+ Unique Witty Comebacks for Shut Up Whats the Best Reply? And yet your ignorance still demanded an answer, amazing! and the immediately talk to somebody else without giving them time to respond to it. Ouch. Youre like the first slice of bread in the packet, everyone touches you but no one wants you. Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you. Well, I would agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Her sharp humor fits right in with these witty bar jokes anyone can remember. Be ready. If d*cks could fly, your mouth would be an airport. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. Why on Earth would you consider roasting someone who says hi?? That's really strange. If you never want to meet people or have any friends, that's For example, British people find it hugely distasteful to disclose or even ask a person about their salary. Time to take you back to the enclosure now. 3. How To Take Care Of Your Digestive System, Everything you need to know about Super Bowls and the Super Bowl LVII. 41. Before we get to the comeback tips: a word of caution Tip 1. It smells like something is burning, ___ are you trying to think again? Your so fat you could sell shade. Thinking Of Something To Say After An Argument Is Over Is The Worst Feeling. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. ", Then you just get flamed for having an outburst or a TL;DR. However, with a little bit of practice, you can use these savage comebacks to shut down anyone who tries to put you down. i love this thank you for this there is a bully at my park i am writing this all down now. Youre twice the d*ck you were yesterday. Ill be sure to return it when I find something nice to say about you. Im sorry you were offended when I called you a h*e. I didnt know it was a secret. I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. God is the Strength for Your Comebacks. And if this one doesnt do it for you, weve got plenty of pirate jokes on deck. Theres nothing quite as satisfying as a savage comeback. (from Reddit user), Bold of you to assume that I would need permission to answer the likes of you. 27+ Unique Witty Comebacks for Shut Up Whats the Best Reply? Ill have to remember that the next time Im looking for a stupid opinion. comebacks, humor, funny. If you were any more wrong, youd be right! Here are some of the best savage replies to insults: If someone calls you a name, try to come up with a clever response that turns the tables on them. Thats an interesting point of view. Hey, I found your nose. Im sorry, were you dropped on your head as a child? You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? You can still go to Tiki-Ti on Sunset Boulevard and Damons steakhouse in Glendale for a glimpse of the tiki era, but at the time, Bahookas was one of my favorite places to go with Jonathan, who had a collection of Hawaiian shirts that he wore like a uniform (before he switched to Brooks Brothers shirts and suspenders). If someone asks too many Whys, then ask them WHY NOT? Two things will be certain if this is your answer to all the WHYs. 1. You will know what th 199. 197.Can you die of constipation? ", Sent this to my gf without reading it Im so fucked rn. Inflate your ego to overcompensate for it being so fragile? 6. (Security Pacific National Bank Collection / Los Angeles Public Library). I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse. Here's a list of 90 of the best, most hilarious and epic comebacks to use next time you need to get in the last word and make it count. Being a d*ck wont make yours any bigger. You're fucking dead, kid. To create this article, 45 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. This one is even better if you have a real bag to use as a prop. If you keep talking, Im going to assume youre in desperate need of a dictionary. 83. Before answering that question, he looks back at Southern Californias theme restaurant past, from the questionable Jail Cafe in which diners in the 1920s ate in a cell and ordered from waiters dressed as convicts to Steven Spielberg and Jeffrey Katzenbergs DIVE! (Stare them for a few seconds and continue with your story). Anyone agree? Keep in mind to not use these against someone who cant take a joke. @2020 - All Right Reserved. I've been in a lot of situations where I say something and someone says "did I ask" and I don't know how to respond. Ignore them. Someday youll go farand I really hope you stay there. Become a verbal vendetta masterheres how to craft the perfect comeback. Make sure to use extra "Ladies first" is an old-fashioned courtesy. It is sexist, but as compared with female genital mutilation, it's comparatively harmless, and general The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Hi Tatiana, I'm really glad that this helped you. or ask "Is there a law that says asking first gives you some bargaining rights? Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Oh! Become a subscriber. I would remind them that I don't need anyone's permission to talk. I'd tell them to keep their conversations to themselves if they don't want to he Home; About WPC. Im sorry, I didnt catch that. They're the best burn jokes you'll find. I asked the pregnant army what some of their best pregnancy comebacks were to rude questions and they did not disappoint. Good Comebacks 1. Youd struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Says the person who cant even spell their own name. If you can, it may be best to just try and walk away from the situation. One day in middle school my friends and I were all coincidentally wearing either pink or yellow shirts. However you cannot even use that argument because you took the time to reply to my comment. First, theyll likely ask why youre wondering. 23. 1. The best comeback for "did I ask?" Its the circus. If a guy pulls the "dream" pickup line, give the comeback, "Really cause this feels like a nightmare." Not asking the right questions is your problem, not mine. "Did god ask for you to live, no". You wanna sex-related joke? You can change your choices at any time by clicking on the 'Privacy dashboard' links on our sites and apps. Savage comebacks are witty, cutting responses that can leave your tormentor speechless. You don't remember who I am? 32+ Witty Comebacks for Who Asked, Did I Ask, Nobody Asked etc. We got into a fight with a random girl at the park, and when we were walking away she screamed after us, What are you gonna do, strawberry lemonade?, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), 22 insults from Shakespeare that still sting to this day, funny political quotes and insults you cant help but laugh at, 11 words and phrases that used to be insultsand are now compliments, 16 compliments you dont realize are actually pretty insulting, 40 funny sayings worth committing to memory, 50 cheesy pickup lines guaranteed to get a laugh, hilarious photos that will make you laugh out loud, 21 anti-jokes you cant help but laugh at anyway, groan-worthy jokes you cant help but laugh at, funny jokes to defuse awkward situations at work, movies with the best one-liners youll want to say over and over, Do Not Sell My Personal Information CA Residents. Why would I wait for your questions (you obviously don't know much about this)? And if youre not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, its better for you to not use it. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I guess those penis enlargement pills are effective. Thanks for this informative answer! But before you go hurling insults, remember that words can hurt, and think about the potential consequences of your actions. The next two highest-ranking characteristics were with a hint of salt (68%) and gooey (65%). Try the recipe Julie came up with and let us know on our @latimesfood Instagram account what you think and if you have a better recipe. Look in a mirror. Yes, I'm saying you have no purpose, either. Some of the funny answers to the tough first date questions below will assist you in being less tongue tied.. Help us out by voting for what you think its the best comeback to the dating and hook up questions below. Some day youll go farand I really hope you stay there. One of the, One day in middle school my friends and I were all coincidentally wearing either pink or yellow shirts. My boss asked, Can I ask a stupid question? My reply? Oh geez how long has my flair been blank? I heard a kid tell one of his classmates that they smell like hot dog water,' shares one Buzzfeed contributor. 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. Julie Giuffrida, who is the queen of recipe archives at L.A. Times Food, has been on a months-long quest to come up with the ultimate chocolate chip cookie recipe. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If brains were dynamite, you wouldnt have enough to blow your nose. Still, it wasnt until a U.S. Tell me, how did this comment effect you? When shes not writing articles about useful facts and pop culture, you can find Erin enjoying the local theater scene and working toward her goal of reading 50 books a year. After all, its always better to walk away from a fight than to get caught up in one. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Did it come with a pole? 26. Anyone got good comebacks for "Who asked" - reddit If you would like to customise your choices, click 'Manage privacy settings'. WebBest Comebacks For Your Enemies. Worry about your eyebrows. And then watch this persons eyebrows bounce up in alarm. I enjoy sharing it when the opportunity arises: Im the same age as my tongue, and a little older than my teeth. I enjoy the look of puzzlement it creates. For example, if they call you stupid, you could say I may be stupid, but at least Im not ugly., If they say youre fat, you could reply Id rather be fat than ugly.. However, if you want to get out of a heated conversation with dignity intact, saying the right thing can make all the difference. HA-HA-HA And I thought my jokes were bad. How does it concern you? Whether youre responding to a bully, an idiot, or just someone who needs to be put in their place, a snappy retort can be the perfect way to put them in their place. This thread is archived. Its never easy to deal with someone who is insulting you. 48. Think again, fucker. Feel free to keep your mouth shut instead. And even if it was, why would I have to ask you? With these 51 good comebacks, you have unprecedented opportunity to hit back to the right place at the opportune time and wipe those stupid smirks off the faces of your enemies. This one is an instant classicjust like these 22 insults from Shakespeare that still sting to this day. Im describing you. Bitch Im TELLING you dc if you asked or not. There's no universal comeback, because sometimes they're correct that some information you've offered is irrelevant to the conversation, or that they don't want to talk about a topic, period. IN CONNECTICUT, DEAR ABBY: When Im asked how old I am, I answer, When I was born, the rainbow was black and white. NOT YOUR BUSINESS IN KANSAS, DEAR ABBY: I once received a birthday card that dealt with the issue perfectly. They say our brains dont stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early. Climb back in your mum and cook a little longer. These comebacks are light enough that the person will still be speaking to you afterwards, yet give you peace of mind as you "judo" thei Article by I should have said - Verbal Self Defense Made Easy. Im sorry, I dont date guys who think that no means convince me. Dont worry about me. If he was any more inbred, hed be a sandwich. like you've reached the pinnacle of comedy. We've received your submission. Remember when I asked for your opinion? back to someone when they say "Did I ask First of all By Julia Pugachevsky. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality in real life. 44. Designed and Developed by BriygeDesign, Dont Know How to Respond? 14. asked 16. Well, I experience this almost everyday, caused by my younger brother. ), David Lindley, guitarist best known for work with Jackson Browne, dies at 78, Desperate mountain residents trapped by snow beg for help; We are coming, sheriff says, This is me, this is my face: Actress Mimi Rogers on aging naturally, without cosmetic surgery, Californias snowpack is approaching an all-time record, with more on the way, Officials admit being unprepared for epic mountain blizzard, leaving many trapped and desperate. Use your newfound powers wisely! Composite Deck Railing Kits Home Depot, You dont need a particularly smart comeback for this one since its. If you're feeling extra ambitious and slightly willing to risk your job, there are even zingers for the notorious cranky customer. Assistant Food Editor Danielle Dorsey has put together a mapped guide to the best places to eat and drink in L.A. right now, collected from the writing of Foods Bill Addison, Stephanie Breijo and Jenn Harris. See additional information. It looks just like a penis only smaller. And kept on laughing. MRS. F. IN CALIFORNIA, DEAR ABBY: Ageless Ladys letter reminded me of the response my great aunt would use when asked her age. Im an acquired taste. I think if you memorize anything here, stick with this one, it will get you out of even the toughest corners. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Press J to jump to the feed. But if that isnt possible, then it can help to have a few intelligent and calm responses pre-prepared. You are nothing to me but just another target. 23 Perfect Sassy Comebacks You Need In Your Life. Thanks for the compliment. Isn't it natural for Korean comebacks to be held in Korea? Get your answers by asking now. (edited by VopretNull) 11. Readers had fun suggesting answers to the delicate question How old are you? Read on: DEAR ABBY: My grandmother lived to 103. Hopewell Junction, Ny Restaurants. I hope your fingers change into fishing hooks, and you get an itch in your balls. And if you're reading these funny quotes and hilarious insults, you probably have, too. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was to fart. Because she didn't 'ask' for a disrespectful midgetwit to be the next in her family tree. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. But recently, as I was happily eating saba mackerel at Little Tokyos Hama Sushi, I remembered the story of the very picky penguins at the Hakone-en Aquarium outside Tokyo. Now Saltie Girl has opened a branch in West Hollywood and Addison is happy as a tinned clam. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room] #1 If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be She graduated from Emerson College and spent part of her undergraduate career writing for the Boston Globe. Saltie Girl in West Hollywood has an extensive tinned seafood selection. DEAR ABBY: In response to Ageless Lady in Washington (Oct. 8), who sought a retort to people who ask her age, I had an aunt who refused to divulge her age. Web2 reviews of First Watch - Temp. If the topic is relevant to something that they are interested in, or if it's important enough that they should care about it, tell them how. Luckily, I have compiled a short list of all the things I could say, if he annoys me. And I know what youre going to reply with, or at least what your first instinct is. 6 Answers. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. It looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. RELATED:30 Perfect Comebacks To Use When Someone Calls You Fat. This squid is so raw I can still hear it telling SpongeBob to fuck off. 196.Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parents. Then use your Bullying should not be tolerated in the first place, but at least you now have some tools with which to defend yourself. For example, when the other person chooses a restaurant you might not have wanted to go to, you really should go with his or her choice. 20 Something 20 Somethings 30 Somethings after dark best comebacks Burns Comebacks Comedy digs Funny genius responses Hilarious how to respond humiliate Humor Insults Jokes laugh on demand laugh out loud lol Love and Relationships Offensive One-Liners Relationships Relationships & Dating roast STFU what to say Zingers The point being of course that whatever they have asked is none of their business. Of course, coming up with a clever comeback on the spot can be difficult, which is why its always good to have a few mean ones up your sleeve. So if I typed jerk into Google, would your picture come up? When someone insults you, it can be difficult to come up with a sharp comeback on the spot. And thats something to be proud of. Laurie Ochoa is general manager of Food at the Los Angeles Times. She would say to anyone inquiring, Ill excuse you for asking, if youll excuse me for not answering. JANE M. IN FLORIDA. Does this new robot-staffed chocolate emporium signal a themed restaurant comeback? this is for my brother who never shuts up and i just wanna make him feel stupid. Is it that the senseless hollow comedy you have grown to love and adore until you mature and realise its fucking retarded is under attack by some random person on the internet? H*es be like, Ive been through a lot. No a lot has been through you. It can be disconcerting to realize that a penguin might have more refined culinary tastes than ones own. I just usually say I dont care if you asked and continue talking. I wont let some food snob penguins shame me into not eating saba, one of my favorite sushi orders. I never claimed to be answering a question. This one might not be so universal, but whew, does Buzzfeed contributor hollisl4d528cac4 have one thatll stick in your mind. From Reddit user VigorousRapscallion: I was playing a drinking game that involves rules being made on the fly. Hold still. And I know what you're going to say right after I finish sending this hammer of logic straight to your senses, you miserable little fucktwat, you're going to say "who tf asked?" Talk about a double whammy! Whether youre dealing with a know-it-all friend or a rude coworker, weve got you covered. Its the tiki-theme restaurant era, however, that resonates the most for me. "Did you parents and friends love you, no". Witty Comebacks That are Sure to Leave Anyone Speechless. Are any commas needed in this sentence: "When I was eight years old I broke my ankle and I had to have surgery." Still have questions? He considers whether the steampunk restaurants arrival is a sign, as Martens writes, that the themed restaurant, which enjoyed an era of expansion throughout the 1980s and 90s with the Hard Rock Cafe, Planet Hollywood and many more, is ready for a proper comeback.. Im sorry, I didnt hear you over the sound of how much I dont care. Reportedly while being held back by fellow cast mates, Murray fired off calling Chase a medium-talent. Explore these 60 sun-fire funny comebacks and protect yourself against verbal bullying. RELATED: Adults Find These 180+ Jokes For Kids To Be Freaking Hilarious. Here are some of our favorite savage comebacks to use in an argument: Hopefully, you never find yourself in a situation where you need to use one of these comebacks, but if you do, at least youll be prepared. Comeback: You show have held your thought forever. You could even make a joke out of it by saying something like Touch! 50. Take a page from Don Drapers book. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Youre so ugly, you couldnt even arouse suspicion. Did your mom drop you on your head when you were a baby? This must be starting signs of old age. 8. Im not a proctologist, but I can spot an ass when I see one. Top Ten Witty Comebacks for all Occasions Top Ten Comebacks for Verbal Bullies Top Ten Witty Comebacks for the Not so Bright Ten comebacks for Toxic People. This exchange happened accidentally between me and my boyfriend the other day and its been legendary for us ever since: After making an honest mistake he said, Sorry Im an idiot. And I, wanting to reassure him but failing miserably, replied, Dont be sorry for who you are! In fact, here are 21 anti-jokes you cant help but laugh at anyway. 41. Do you ever wonder what to say, or not to say, on a first date? Ill never forget the first time we met. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. Its impossible to underestimate you. 84. It was in my business again. Find out more about how we use your personal data in our privacy policy and cookie policy. We had a no swearing rule, and then an insult rule, which means they were G-rated insults. 49. Consider that the Vietnamese restaurant Pho 87 in Chinatown saw its gas bill jump from $800 in December to $8,000 in February. Were now seeing places in Los Angeles like Bar Moruno and Kippered serving wonderful examples of tinned fish, a tradition that is prevalent in Spain and Portugal. Personality Comebacks Comeback Come Back Goo Report. One option is to give a savage comeback. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. I'm sorry, did you not get the memo? It's states, and I quote 'ask in one hand and shit in the other which one you think you'll fully grasp first but did they ask..? Charred pork pho at Pho 87, a Chinatown staple since 1987. Julie analyzed each cookie and broke down what made each good. Thank you for your reply. Regularly-updated list of Comeback insults and Comeback comebacks, sorted by latest, highest rated, and random. 50 Hilarious Comebacks That Will Shut Everyone Up (And Make You Look Like A Genius) By Mlanie Berliet , February 22nd 2016 41. 50 Excellent Comebacks To Shut Up Anyone - PsyCat Games A lady points and laughs and says: Look! You could say "And?" So, I was listening to this couple argue. We all know (only too well from bitter experience) that anyone who says "I asked you first" is sniffing for an argument and not really interested i Favorite Answer. Oops, my bad. Im not insulting you, Im describing you. There is no greater punisher than objectivity sometimes, you know? Take a look at these awesome comebacks for bullies! 15. Two weeks before todays Film Independent Spirit Awards, where Theo Rossi will learn whether he won the supporting performance prize for his role as Aubrey Plazas partner in crime and love in Emily the Criminal, the former Sons of Anarchy actor was eating hummus and pita around town with L.A. Times Food columnist Jenn Harris for her series The Crawl. 995 Good Comebacks. If you had a brain cell, it would die of loneliness. Im sorry, I didnt realize you were an expert on the subject.