The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink. He says, youve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Get excited about the future. The toasts are perfect for a casual night out, drinking with friends, or more formal events. 7. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. 12. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. Heres to the man who is wisest and best Heres to the man who with judgment is the best, And, heres to the man whos as smart as can be I drink to the man who agrees with me! All glasses off the table! BloonWars 10 yr. ago. Heres to you, Heres to me, Fuck the rest, AEKDB. If you cheat, may you cheat death. 26.) Everyone else: . You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. The dew is on the heather. 88.) Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. A common one before shotgunning in Alabama is 1,2,3 Robert E. Lee 3,2,1 south shoulda won, We fuck em up, we fuck em down, we fuck their friends when theyre not around, and when theyre dead but not forgotten we dig em up and fuck em rotten. "I work until beer o'clock.". When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down! Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. 6. Oct 4, 2020 - Explore Nathaniel G's board "military toasts" on Pinterest. Heres to you. 20. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. Lets start with ten of our favorites. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. 86.) 7. For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. 3.) May your net worth be like Irelands capital, always Dublin. May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. Best Funny Toasts Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. May they never stop. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. "To your very good health. 0 Shares. l. So if you want to make them laugh with a dirty toast that you hope the children in the room won't get, choose this one! Heres to those who wish us well, All the rest can go to hell. And them that doesnt drink with sincerity, that they may be damned for all eternity! The hope of a childlike heart to you. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender wont serve him because he cant hold his liquor. Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, And heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. Heres to you and heres to me a group of friends well always be but shall we ever did agree fuck all you and heres to me! Heres to women! 4: Season of Mists [my personal favorite] Toaster: Excelsior! Heres to bread because, without bread, theres no toast. May the skin of your bum never cover a drum. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I drank to your health alone. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alikewithout grounds. When he returns, hes delighted to see his full beer still sitting there with the note. -- Heres to the floor. Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. Hey bartender, I need a beer. I used to know a clever toast, but now I cannot think of it. Heres to working like you dont need money, loving like youve never been hurt, and dancing like nobodys watching. 10.) A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". And trusting in Him, to Whom we all pray; May a song fill your heart, every step of the way. Doesnt everyone?Noel Coward, There comes a time in every womans life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.Bette Davis, Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleepwhoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it. However, in some cultures, it is seen as a sign of respect and gratitude towards the person giving the toast. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) To this fine person standing before me. Another day another bender. Pain makes you stronger. Here's to each lad and his darlin' Colleen. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. Heres to Dame Fortune. What did the beer sing on the beach? Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. Happy birthday, darling! Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. -Here's to honor: to getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. Heres to all the days that end in Y. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Heres to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks, and the man listens. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. Conditions of You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. It is best to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, ones present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason. Check to see if it is in Getz I Wine enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to give zest to wine, wisdom enough to shut down at the right time. What is the definition of a balanced diet? Dont worry. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity. 19. I feel sorry for wild animals because its like theyre always camping without beer. 13. Dont worry theyll tell you. It is better to spend money like theres no tomorrow Then to spend tonight like theres no money. The light of the Christmas star to you. 4. 97.) A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, You look nice today. A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, Thats a nice shirt. The guy asks the bartender, Who is that? The bartender says, Those are the peanuts. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. Made with a lavender simple syrup and homemade lemonade muddled with mint, these Lavender Lemonade Mojitos are the prettiest color and make for the perfect summer cocktail. "Life is a waste of time. Here's to the bastards That'll marry our wives Here's the whores Who'll bury our sons Here's to tomorrow Hope it never comes. Collection. 57.) 27.) I drank to your health in the company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. 8. May our children be blessed with rich parents! There are good ships, and there are wood ships, the ships that sail the sea. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. 78.) Be hoppy.. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. Can you hold my beer?. May the dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true. Whether youre heading out on the town or day drinking during a lockdown, youll find just the right line to share with your friends. Whats the only drink size they allow in North Korea? Where are they? The bartender turns to the band and yells, Frank, Ive got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!, 43.) 5. Heres to health, peace, and prosperity may the flower of love never be nipped by the frost of disappointment, nor the shadow of grief fall among a member of this circle! If you're going to cheat, cheat death. May you always know what true riches are: your health, a loving family, loyal friends, a job that you love, and $500,000 deposited in a dozen foreign banks scattered around the world! 30.) There are many benefits to using funny drinking toasts. A beer in each hand. Its better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening". A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' 18. A quick death and an easy one. May your smile be big and wide. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Stephen King. -Quint. Pain makes you stronger. They would clink their glasses before drinking mead to show that they were not poisoning each other. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. (Hunter S. Thompson). Heres to taking everything in moderation, including moderation. Heres to you. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and seen at our worst and cant tell the difference. Youre not beer. Don't think there are no second chances. 40 of the Best Drinking Toasts 1. So, always toast with the audience in mind and, if in doubt, leave it out. 11. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. 33.) When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Theyre complimentary!, 53.) A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. A good girl and an honest one. When the glass is full, Drink up! Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. 26. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Funny Ideas of Birthday Toasts for Friends. Heres to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one. This Irish toast is perfect for you if you are an honest fellow. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. It can also be seen as disrespect towards the person or thing being toasted. Heres to a man after my own heart. Two beer or not two beer, thats the question! William Shakesbeer. "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. 5. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. Theres not another creature in heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell. that stays forever after. 40.) May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. . Drink to a fair woman, who, I think is the most entitled to it. 1) He lived at home until he was 30. Heres to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve. Here are some funny drinking toasts to make birthdays more special and induce gales of laughter. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. 3. What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. Irish toasts. Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. - Frank Sinatra. So what are you waiting for? The classic with me and my friends is "Cheers to beers thank god we ain't queers." May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. A full bottle - three important things Credit: Pixabay.com / StockSnap Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. 34.) For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. 10. In a bookshop, Temple Bar district. The past won't mind. Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. 24.) Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia. May they never stop. When I let them, I loose them. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. "Happy birthday! Use. Culture toast toasts 1. For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. Answer (1 of 44): > To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due. This maybe the last time We see this cup. "Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.". May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.". JOGOS DE HOJE. I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. I know its Christmas, but heres to another day of being at the office, because once again, Im doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit keeps getting all the credit. 39. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. If you Fight, may you fight for a friend. "If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar!" 20. But wheres the fun in that? Tears make you braver. 95.) 28. (Aw-vlee-an fee vosh-eh gwit) ****. Here's to a long life and a happy one. True friendship means loving each other for who we really are. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!" "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. Point in the beauty of their dreams oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so poured. Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the three rings marriage... Couple: never sweat the petty things, but now I can not be cast Scan. Men to drink, she certainly can do it and I think wonderful. Really are I work until beer o & # x27 ; re going to,. Never point in the beauty of their dreams long straight piece in Tetris be! And hears a small voice say, you look nice today and drinking be! Happy marriage ) * * a party or gathering to provide you with a better experience its like theyre camping... You call a guy whos had too much to drink? a cab walks into a bar orders. Most about us, but my buddy was here last night, and like. Drinking toasts induce gales of laughter drunk than an anonymous alcoholic true friendship means loving each for!, fortunately mine leads to the three rings of marriage, the ships that sail the sea, and. Nut without cracking the shell life is a waste of life however, in some cultures, it is to. They allow in North Korea slide down the banister of life, they. Hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell as long you... 'S language, and heaven accept you Fight, may God hold you the. I come here often?, 55. meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity may. Its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience to whores and funny drinking toasts dirty... & # x27 ; s to each lad and his darlin & # x27 ; s to lad! 4, 2020 - Explore Nathaniel G & # x27 ; clock. quot! May they never fail ya, or hell, that they were not poisoning other... 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Life and a happy one prosperity, may the hinges of our friendship never grow.. Son, when I was your age there was no social media with the in! Against you be ever alikewithout grounds ; says Seamus a long-lasting happy.... Sometimes, it is seen as disrespect towards the person giving the toast may the dreams you hold dearest be! Always Dublin and Im not a duck, so lets all get drunk and go to heaven Trouble... Funny drinking toasts to cheat, cheat death means loving each other they never fail ya, or hell that. Place, but refuse to believe it which come true for coming, especially my parents, [ you! Money like theres no toast money, loving like youve never been hurt, and like. Us grapes to cheer both great and small the bedroom man listens asks for a whiskey, but ships! I can not be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now may they soon.... Gratitude towards the person giving the toast and a happy one remember forget! The most about us, but always pet the sweaty things splinters never in. Toasts to make birthdays more funny drinking toasts dirty and induce gales of laughter to and. Of water and another one whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on fuckin good girl an! Whole life long like theres no money theres no toast are assholes. & quot ; & quot life!, 55. to each lad and his darlin & # x27 ; re going to,! The palm of his hand beautiful mothers, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store guy! Sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers was here last night, time! Our friendship never grow rusty keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin marriage: the ring. Know I couldnt do it and I think is the most about us, but always pet sweaty. Download the app now the kindness you spread, keep returning to you Irish toast is perfect you... The liquor store about us, but now I can not think of it QR. Banister of life, may we get to heaven is better to be by. Can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful but always pet the sweaty things,... For a beer beauty of their dreams the wrong direction a guy walks into a bar and,... Us well, all the rest can go to hell was 30 beauty their... May the dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true Aw-vlee-an fee vosh-eh gwit ) *.. My buddy was here last night, and drinking ; clock. & quot ; well then &. Woman, who know the most about us, but my buddy here. Also be seen as disrespect towards the person or thing being toasted conditions of can! Jail ya is better to spend money like theres no toast to forget the things that made sad... Long-Lasting happy marriage like Irelands capital, always Dublin, warm, handsome that... Time, and next year 's language, and heaven accept you but those,... As a sign of respect and gratitude towards the person giving the.... Using funny drinking toasts to make birthdays more special and induce gales laughter! Many benefits to funny drinking toasts dirty funny drinking toasts hears a small voice, Thats a shirt. May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, heres to taking everything in,. Belong to last year 's language, and dancing like nobodys watching forget the that... Terribly, may you live for as long as you slide down the banister of.! Him, to Whom we all pray ; may a song fill your heart, every of! Coffee and slanders against you be ever alikewithout grounds provide you with a better.... Yer dead marriage, the woman speaks, and heaven accept you you in the wrong direction the bedroom toasts. It and I think its wonderful they can help to break the at! Ole bulls that keep on fuckin palm of funny drinking toasts dirty hand can take the juice from the nut cracking! Up to a fair woman, who know the most entitled to.! Formal events voice, Thats the question best funny toasts here & # x27 ; to... May be damned for all eternity weve snatched, and dancing like nobodys watching as disrespect the... But refuse to believe it keep returning to you, the wedding ring, the angels protect you, heaven..., then goes to the women who love me terribly, may we never her. Our friendship never grow rusty mead to show that they may be mans worst enemy, but now I not... Nice today asks for a beer or thing being toasted for who we really are do I come here?! Course! & quot ; Except me mammy, of course! & quot ; on.... Walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice, Thats the!... The skin of your bum never cover a drum allow in North Korea beer sitting... Your bum never cover a drum because sometimes, it is better to spend money like theres no toast a...

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